Parenting Children With ADHD

Are you parenting a child with ADHD? Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can make it hard to function in a healthy way with your children.  Many times parents feel like they are spinning their wheels or feel ignored by the children.  Sometimes it can feel like the child is overly hyper, refusing to listen, or defiant.  This can cause friction between you and the child.  It could be a difference in communication that is causing friction.

Giving your child the option to choose will allow them some independence.  Also, when a child can feel they have helped or chosen their path, they can feel more motivated to participate.  For example, if the child is given choices for chores, they could feel more motivated and independent if they choose the chore.  Let them take ownership and embrace their strengths.

In giving your child clear directions, it leaves little for them to assume or guess what you are wanting.  Even after giving the child a choice, make sure the child is clear in what is expected.  Keep in mind they might have a different way of completing the task, but if they have a clear expectation of what is expected of them, it can make it easier for them to complete the task.

Every child is different.  Many children with ADHD feel like they are different.  Finding out what the child is good and enjoys could be a great motivator for them.  Also, showing an interest in what they are good at can help them gain confidence and trust in the relationship.

Breaks allow your child to process what was completed and allow them free expression during this break.  For a child with ADHD, it can feel like adults are very restricting.  A break can give time for that child to explore and allow their mind time to decompress.  Think of it this way, a person without ADHD is given a worksheet.  They read the instructions and complete the task.  For a child with ADHD, focusing on the task at hand while another child sneezes, or the pencil taps and makes a noise, or someone flips over a paper.  This might seem like not a big deal to someone without ADHD, but for those who do it seems like a ton of distractions that never stop.  A break can allow your child to relax.

In the heat of the moment, it can be second nature to become mad or frustrated.  Typically, when adults feel this emotion it can outwardly show itself as anger in the eyes of the child.  It can be hard to do, but remembering to lead with compassion is a must for parents with kids that have ADHD.  To help the child not create feelings of doubt and shame for their behavior, parents can set an example of compassion when a mistake is made.  For example, when a child is having difficulty sitting still and they see the parent become frustrated and outwardly mad they can in turn blame themselves for the parent’s feelings.  If the parent, with practice, changed their behavior to a more compassionate response, the child could use the example to help recognize their own behavior.

Now with that being said, I understand that it is hard to have compassion when the parent is feeling fed up or at the end of the rope.  Self-care for a parent is a must.  Think of your parenting abilities as a battery.  If you use all of your power into raising kids, work, household duties, and daily life struggles, how will you manage to have enough power to do anything else?  Investing time and effort into your own peace of mind can help you recharge the battery to be able to have the extra compassion for the child.

It can be very easy to become frustrated or overwhelmed when you are parenting a child with ADHD.  Not only are these kids going to make regular mistakes that kids make, but they tend to have to find their own way of doing things.  This can become very frustrating for parents.  Recognizing when your feelings are becoming too much to where you cannot have patience is the first step.  Once you notice that you are running out of patience, it is ok to have a parental time out.  In other words, it is ok to take time to calm down so that you can have the extra patience you will need to help your child.

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