By: Dr. Cheri Locke, PhD, MA, LPC-S, CST, CCTP
Do you have intimacy beyond sex in your relationship? As a certified sex therapist and couples counselor for over a decade, I spend a lot of time helping people untangle the complicated web of intimacy. Spoiler alert: intimacy is not just about sex. In fact, if you think that’s the only ingredient in the intimacy soup, we need to have a little heart-to-heart. (Don’t worry—no awkward couch sessions required.)
What Is Intimacy Beyond Sex?
Let’s break it down. Intimacy is about connection. It’s about the feeling that someone really gets you, sees you, and still wants to hang out with you after you ate an entire pizza in one sitting or cried over a rerun of your favorite 90s show. True intimacy is built on emotional closeness, trust, and presence—not just physical touch (though that can be part of it).
There are many different types of intimacy, and the more we understand them, the stronger our relationships become. Here are just a few:
Emotional Intimacy
This is the deep stuff. Sharing your fears, dreams, embarrassing middle school stories—and knowing your partner won’t run for the hills. Emotional intimacy means being vulnerable and feeling safe doing it. It’s built through open, honest conversations and truly listening without the urge to fix, judge, or interrupt.
Intellectual Intimacy
Yes, brainy can be sexy. This kind of intimacy grows when you engage in meaningful conversations, debate ideas, or get curious about the world together. It’s not about agreeing on everything (you won’t), but about valuing and respecting each other’s thoughts.
Experiential Intimacy
Shared experiences matter. Whether you’re traveling, doing a puzzle, going to the gym, or binge-watching documentaries about things you’ll never actually do—you’re building a sense of partnership through time spent together.
Spiritual Intimacy
This doesn’t have to mean religion (though it can). It’s about sharing beliefs, values, and a sense of purpose. This might come through deep talks, time in nature, or simply sitting quietly together and feeling connected to something bigger than yourselves.
Physical Intimacy (Non-Sexual)
Holding hands, snuggling on the couch, a warm hug after a long day—these acts of affection can be powerful. Physical closeness that doesn’t lead to sex still communicates love, safety, and presence. And sometimes, that kind of touch can feel even more connecting.
Here’s the thing: many couples come to me convinced they have a “sex problem,” when really, they have an intimacy gap. They feel disconnected, unappreciated, or emotionally distant, and they’re hoping sex will fix it. Spoiler #2: sex can’t patch holes in your emotional drywall.
How Do We Build Intimacy Beyond Sex?
Want to boost intimacy in your relationship? Start small. Ask deeper questions. Be curious instead of critical. Spend time without screens. Laugh together. Touch without an agenda. Celebrate the little things. Share your weird thoughts and listen to theirs.
Intimacy beyond sex is a practice, not a one-time achievement. It’s the steady rhythm of showing up, being present, and choosing each other, even on the messy days.
So, the next time someone says “intimacy,” don’t just think candles and Marvin Gaye. Think connection. Think presence. Think about building the kind of closeness that lasts longer than a Netflix subscription.
And if you’re feeling a little stuck? Reach out. Helping couples reconnect is kind of my thing.
Begin Couples Counseling In Katy, TX
If you find that you and your partner want to learn more about intimacy, Cheri can help! She provides counseling to individual men, women, and couples. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
- Contact the office to set up an appointment or to get more information about counseling for couples.
- Meet with Cheri.
- Find ways to improve your relationship!
Cheri is dedicated to helping people with their mental health needs. Couples counseling is an effective way to help you and your family to grow and develop as healthily as possible. Sessions can be held in person or via Telehealth. We are here for you!
Other Therapy Services
Cheri offers counseling services for adult individuals, including: anxiety treatment, depression treatment, relationship help, and divorce recovery. She specializes in couples therapy and helps with specific issues such as: infidelity, intimacy and sexual health, and parenting. Cheri strives to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about Cheri and her counseling services, please contact Locke Counseling and Consulting today!
